just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
