The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they're like a gay fantastic four
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
BRING THE BAGELS
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
