you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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