here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
