when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We are all done wearing pants today
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
