just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
