I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
