i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
