it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
