Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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