WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
