I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
