Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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