Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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