Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
