Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
