Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
