scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
