you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
