Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
