either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
