ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
MIDGETS
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