Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
