He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
