I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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