Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
