I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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