I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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