Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
