Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
