you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
