Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
