What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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