You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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