my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
