babies were throwing up all over the place
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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