Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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