Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
