Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
whose ass print is on the piano?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
