I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
