Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
