I think I died a long time ago.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize