dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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