I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
