You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
