I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.