I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...