you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility