I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?