If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS