Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
