I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?