I hate all girls vehemently.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?