I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.