sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
