I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
