Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
