Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
