remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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