But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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