i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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