somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
