I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
