When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
