i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
