I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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