You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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