is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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