I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
