And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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