I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
