so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
