he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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