'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
