he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
